Living with Chronic Pain.
Chronic pain is not only physically uncomfortable to endure, it is also emotionally and mentally overwhelming. It has a huge effect on mental health and your quality of life.
Constantly enduring pain can be physically, emotionally and mentally tiring. A person suffering from chronic pain may think 'this is how it is' you push on and mask what they are feeling inside because they don't want to project negativity on to those around them or seem like they are constantly moaning. On those bearable days (there is never a pain free/good day) they may tell their self they got through it!
Even things like eating can be difficult - from a meal one day then on another grabbing anything they can snack on as a meal replacement because their body needs to rest.
Anxiety can spiral, thoughts of what will I be like tomorrow? How will I cope? What if I can't go to work? What if I can't get out of bed? I can't take another day of feeling like this!
The financial strain increases anxiety because there is a need to work and have an income but fighting every day to keep working is emotionally draining and overwhelming.
Feeling helpless because you can't fix your situation, knowing it is a long term problem that can must be managed. Others close to you can also feel helpless. It can affect your relationships with others.
Making plans is never straightforward, worrying incase you won't feel up to going on the day. You feel like people won't understand, some will - some won't. With some illnesses, physical abilities can fluctuate from day to day which makes the stigma more difficult to break as you know people will judge you (thoughts of - they are making excuses or they were fine yesterday).
Accepting the situation is tough, going through a process of grief for the person you were and the things you used to do...the things you loved to do but can no longer do! Experiencing Denial (avoiding the reality) Bargaining (I would give anything to..) Anger (frustration at the situation) Depression (low mood and struggling to process emotions) Acceptance (trying to acknowledge your loss and accept the reality) are all part of the experience.
I recently was in work and had experienced a flare up. Everyone took part in bench ball. I have to say it was hillarious and looked like so much fun. I sat on the side (just me) although I enjoyed watching and at the time I laughed and it lifted my mood. Inside I was so desperate to be part of it and join in, I felt like I was being boring and not part of the team. I came home and cried. Putting it in perspective - I thought come on! This isn't a big problem! But the reality was struggling physically is life changing and bloody hard to process!
Weight gain, confidence and self-esteem can be an ongoing battle. Taking medication to manage the pain (which is never effective enough). Feeling a burden, going to the GP or hospital for endless appointments or treatments, knowing there is no magic cure. Becoming too overwhelmed with how much it affects your life and needing some understanding and support. You might look ok on the outside but on the inside you know it is a different story!
Dealing with the emotional toll can be exhausting. Feeling depressed! Becoming teary out of frustration or the level of pain you endure. The sleepless nights and discomfort - the fatigue during the day - only to start it all over again. It is like being on a hamster wheel, the cycle is repeated over and over.
Isolating yourself from others and being alone with all of these thoughts can be scary. Comparing yourself to other people's situations, as if what you are going through is not that bad compared to others(The stigma).
Not being in control!!!
What can you do? Surround yourself with a good support network. Talk about your struggles to others and raise awareness promoting more understanding. Ask for help, let others help you. Support others with similar experiences because you understand exactly how it is. Find new things to enjoy and love in life. The tough one - accepting it is going to be one of those days where you have to listen to your body and rest. You are the one who it is affecting, you are the one who is experiencing this physical, mental and emotional pain. You can't blame yourself for things that are out of your control. Counselling can help, acceptance commitment therapy is often used to support chronic pain sufferers and talking with an experienced counsellor can help make those tough days more bearable.
Please try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing as well as you can be for right now.